Brexit, Family Fall Out and Moving Forward

I’ve just been interviewed about my thoughts on healing and helping families move on from the Brexit Referendum as some families are really split over the decision to leave Europe.

I have likened it to the grieving process during a Divorce. For some it was a shock, for others it was a celebration but there are I believe 7 Stages to Recovery after a Divorce, or any major change.

Click here to read my article on Divorce

I believe that there are 7 stages moving through any change

1. Shock
2. Denial
3. Anger
4. Bargaining
5. Depression
6. Acceptance (Turning The Corner)
7. The Phoenix Stage.

Some communities and families are in different emotional places. Some are mourning the loss of the status quo and being part of Europe, others are in denial and trying to find ‘Get Out Clauses’ others are angry.

Going through any major change is a process NOT an event.

Some people bury their heads in the sand and hope it all goes away, others get active, aggressive or gloomy as they listen to the scaremongering or negative voices of others.

So here are my Top Tips For Healing Your Family and Community if there has been a rift.

1. LIMIT the amount of time you watch the News on TV, radio or newspapers, or listen to phone-ins. As this only adds fuel to the fire of your strong emotions.
2. Limit Social Media Time. Become A Facebook or Twitter Hermit ! Facebook can fuel anger, recrimination & frustration, vitriol and even abuse. So Press Your Pause Button and step away for awhile.
3. Don’t Get Mad – Get Active – look for healthier ways to release your anger, frustration or disappointment. Put RESPECT and DIGNITY and TOLERANCE at the centre of your mindset and words. Join a political party, become positively involved in your community as this takes you from powerless to powerful. It empowers you.
4. Hug Your Grandad. Don’t let the referendum drive a wedge between your 87 year old Grandad and your 23 year old son who may have voted very differently. Family and love are more important that falling out over politics. Our country will survive but harsh, unkind words can hang in the air for years and damage relationships. Don’t regret what you said to your Grandad when he passes as you’ll have to live with regret and guilt for a very long time. Press your Pause Button – step back and ponder ‘Will what I’m about to say bring me closer to, or further away from my Grandad long term?’ It will focus you on what’s important.
5. Encourage your family to talk about going forward and solutions to the changes – get creative not bitter.
6. Make it your mantra to be kind, tolerant, respectful and appreciative of immigrants in your local community, workplace or school – look for similarities not differences. I believe you get what you focus on so look for similarities and don’t fuel the fire of hatred or animosity through the lens of fear & differences.
7. ‘Talk & Teach’ your family about tolerance. Notice how you speak about the elderly, disabled, or minorities in your home. Be a positive role model in all you do and say and in how you act.
8. Find & Focus on things you all have in common – from your family traditions, food & hobbies. Look at how Glastonbury united old and young, black and white around music. Get behind the England Team in the Euros !
9. Remember it really could be worse. We could be living in a country without democracy, and being run by a dictator, or a country riddled with war or a country without running water.
10. Focus on respecting your differences, focusing on the ‘We’ Team of Your Family. Think before you speak and let’s all move on together.