knowing when to be quiet

Creating a Parenting Plan

Sitting down together with your Ex is never easy – but it is important for the sake of your children.

I work with many parents on the nitty gritty, daily practical aspects of creating your unique Parenting Plan, which you can read about here -> Divorce Without Damage – Parenting Plans

but here are some tried & tested tips on how to communicate more effectively that will really help.

Learning to listen:

  • Try to focus, so your attention isn’t divided. Put away your anger as well as your mobile phone!
  • It’s really a good idea to adopt a position of curiosity: you may think you know your Ex and will be disappointed by them, or think your Ex will be predictable in their attitude or answers but if you keep an attitude of curiosity you might be surprised or wrong about what you expect to hear.
  • Press your imaginary Pause Button and simply and completely LISTEN: if you are talking it means you can’t be listening and you really can’t do both at once. Think of the old saying ‘I have two ears and one mouth for a reason!’
  • Take your turn to talk after you’ve listened: you are more likely to be listened to if you’ve listened   well yourself.
  • Leave pauses and don’t jump into the other person’s pauses.
  • Adopt a ‘Business Like’ approach to the meeting as it takes the emotional charge out of the discussions.

The Magic of the ‘I’ Statement

Speak for yourself using “I” statements Phrase things in a way that is about what you think or have noted or want, not what you assume or know the other person does. For example: “I get angry when you ask me about my money in front of the children”. rather than “You always have a jibe at me by asking about money. You always do that and know I hate it”

Try

I feel……

I think …….

I hope…….

I was wondering if it would be….. easier, better, more convenient …….

To help you navigate the journey through Divorce I’ve recently launched a new series of free Divorce videos called -> Divorce Step by Step.

Divorce Step By Step has been set up specifically to help you address the range of issues and matters you have to face when going through a divorce. I have been through the process myself so I know 1st hand how you are feeling and what you are going to go through.

I have come out the other side, stronger and fitter in every sense of the word. It’s not easy but with the right help and guidance the Divorce Step By Step videos will help you to help yourself make it less of a minefield.

I think it’s really important that you remember that divorce is a process NOT an event.

No two divorce situations are identical, but I believe sharing your story will be extremely helpful to other people going through the same process. Simply email me your divorce story. All contributions will be edited to keep the identity of everyone anonymous and names will be replaced with initials and we won’t publish any anonymous contributions.

The website is not a place to vent your anger at your ex – it’s a place to get information, ideas & strategies and it’s my intention to empower you to make good decisions going forward.

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There are three areas in which the videos will seek to guide you.
1. Legal– we’ve recruited some of the top family lawyers to take you through the paperwork and process.
2. Financial– guidance on what you can expect to pay and what you might expect to get.
3. Emotional– the effect on the children and just as importantly YOU.
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Go to Divorce Step By Step to explore also join in the conversation and send your story to [email protected]
Feel free to ask questions and we will offer our advice in response to your email in a video.
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I’m here to support you through my Divorce Videos,  Divorce Coaching Programmes, Divorce Workshops and with my inexpensive Divorce Resources