1. Stop dwelling on the all the wrongs – who did what, who’s to blame and what you wish you had done differently.
2. Express & release your feelings, but don’t drown in them – give yourself a ten minute time limit – and make that a habit.
3. Forgive yourself for all the mistakes you made, you were entitled to make them as you are only human but DO use them as lessons & learning to improve your own life for you and your kids
4. Concentrate on what you gained from the past relationship to help you in the future
5. Longing & aching and regretting can have an addictive quality to it and after the breakup we all tend to romanticise & idealise the relationship we had and what it represented and the person we had it with. I think it helps to remember that it wasn’t all sunshine, roses and unicorns, so, remember the good with the bad and weigh it up – was there actually more bad than good? In reality, you both made mistakes. Let go of the human, not the hero!
6. Reconnect with the people and interests that received less attention when you were together. Find the strong, satisfied, independent, capable, passionate and happy single you within – you weren’t always with your ex – go out and learn to tap dance, see films regularly at the cinema, or try a new hobby.
7. Separation/divorce is a must – lose your hope for the failed relationship. Let it go – put your children at the centre of the process and your confidence comes back & your hopes will then broaden and you will open yourself to new, positive experiences and start to feel better about yourself and your life.
8. Loss of a major relationship is a mini-death with a grieving process. Once you accept what has happened, you can begin to move on and focus on the future. You have to go through all the feelings as they come, but you can go through them faster by doing the things I have mentioned.
9. The love has gone but it’s only natural to still hold onto the attachments – remember the love, just detach from the person. Fear makes us hold onto the past, so let go of those disempowering fearful thoughts like, “I’ll be on my own,” “I’ll always feel lonely,” “My life has ended” “Nothing good will ever happen to me again” etc. You need to remember that you can always control how you respond to events.
10. Nothing in life lasts for ever. Everything eventually runs its course and changes, so treat every day like a gift – have what I call “An Attitude of Gratitude” and appreciate the people, places and things you do have in your life – notice the small things like the smile of an elderly person as they pass you on the stairs, the beautiful scent of your perfume, the kindness of the stranger who opened the door for you and let you pass. Live life as an unknown adventure and be curious, excited and learn to embrace the new opportunities that will come your way.
When you let go, you will find your centre – the real you and you will find peace, tranquillity and acceptance.
To work with me call me on 01883 818329 and let’s get you moving forward into what I like to call The Phoenix Stage.