No matter where you are in your relationship, it’s important and healthy to regularly check in on it from time to time to keep it fresh, keep it growing and keep it alive.
By asking some simple but thought provoking questions like:
Where are you?
Where are they?
Where is the relationship as a whole?
You can take a Polaroid snap shot of where you are at the moment which is really helpful.
Ultimately it is up to you to make meaning about what you discover and learn but meaning and decision making are best done with good information.
Here are some great questions from various angles to help you reflect and ponder.
It’s a good idea to consider using this questionnaire every six months or so as once a year seems too long to wait.
If you think this list is long, take a moment to consider the importance and impact in your life if you don’t answer these questions!!!
But just before you ask yourself these great empowering questions
- What is your instant blink about your relationship?
Malcolm Gladwell in his great book Blink, talks about intuition and how we often make better decisions with snap judgments than we do with volumes of analysis or lots of justifications. Many times our snap judgments, first impressions, gut reactions and intuition offer a much better means of making sense of the world.
So make a note of your blink on your relationship and then ask yourself the questions.
- My blink reaction to my relationship is:
a. Is our love safe, healthy, and happy?
b. Do I love who this person is now, as they are, flaws and all?
c. Am I in love with who they are not just what they have, give, provide, do or who they know?
a. Am I proud of who I am when I’m with this person?
b. Am I giving myself properly and my life fully to this commitment and person?
c. Am I willing to change, when it’s important or necessary, to keep our relationship healthy and happy?
a. Can I see myself with this person for the rest of my life?
b. Do I believe and or know we can build an amazing life together?
c. Do we share a similar vision of our future?
a. Does this person have the character (values/morals/ethics) I want in a wife/husband/ or partner?
b. Does this person have the character (accountability, responsibility, trustworthiness and honesty) I want in a partner?
c. Do I love the way this person treats me and other people—even when no one is looking?
a. Would I be friends with this person even if we weren’t dating?
b. Do I enjoy their company outside of intimacy and chemistry?
c. Can I see myself in friendship with this person when we’re 90?
a. Does this person communicate in a healthy way regardless of highs and lows?
b. Is this person open and willing to talk about any and all of our challenges?
c. Do we enjoy talking, listening, joking, solving, brainstorming, planning and sharing?
a. Are we growing as individuals and together?
b. Do we share a similar vision on personal and relationship growth?
c. Do we make growth a priority in our lives?
a. Does this person want children?
b. Would I want this person raising my children?
c. Does my child/children love and trust this person?
a. Do we share similar views of how family is and will be in our lives?
b. Are we creating the kind of family I am proud of?
c. Do we make time for, appreciate and honour our families?
10. Health & fitness
a. Do we share similar views on health & fitness?
b. Are we healthy together?
c. Do we lift each other higher in health, fitness and wellness?
a. Is this person responsible and trustworthy with money?
b. Do we have similar financial expectations?
c. Are you comfortable with the income they make today and could make tomorrow?
12. Quality of Life
a. Do we have similar views about The Quality of Life?
b. Do we believe in and create a healthy balance in our lives?
c. Are we committed to what matters most (love, family, friends, faith or spirituality etc)
a. Do we give or volunteer?
b. Are we doing our part to help create a better world?
c. Are we teaching our kids the importance of contribution?
a. When I think of our relationship, can I say we have fun together?
b. Do we enjoy similar activities, hobbies, sports, adventures?
c. Do we have fun even when we’re not doing anything specific?
a. Do we enjoy each other’s friends?
b. Do we have healthy and uplifting friendships?
c. Are we willing to end a friendship to protect our relationship?
a. Are we both aware and open to the change of life?
b. Are we talking and preparing for change?
c. Do we see change as healthy and normal for our relationship?
a. Are we similar in our beliefs?
b. Do we appreciate, honour and support our similarities and differences?
c. Do we communicate our beliefs and values well to our children?
a. Do we hold similar views about lifestyle?
b. Do we have a healthy, happy and sustainable lifestyle?
c. Are we willing to do what it takes together, to get the lifestyle we want/deserve?
- What did you discover?
- How does that feel?
- Does anything need to happen now?
If so, take a few minutes to ponder the best way to share this with your partner and give them the space to go through this questionnaire before you blast them with your thoughts!
When would be a good time to have a healthy and respectful discussion about what you discovered? Is it when the kids are in bed, you’ve got a babysitter and gone out for a quiet meal to chat or when you’ve had a bit more time to ponder what to do next?
It just might change your life for the better.